This client is a life coach who helps people tap into their inner truth, and transform their lives based on those long-neglected core values. She’d been wanting to write this book for a long time, and had several “stops and starts” under her belt. When she came to me, she had a lot of notes and half-written content that she wasn’t sure how to separate into chapters. (This is pretty common!) Through regular Zoom calls, I got to know her approach, her process, and her personality, and was able to shape her book around that.

***

As the losses in my life were piling up, I went on a 16-day whitewater rafting trip in the Grand Canyon with my (now) ex-spouse and a small group of people. This wasn’t a relaxing getaway from the rush of everyday life. Whitewater rafting is stressful! It’s fun, but it requires great concentration and physical exertion, especially for a trip lasting over two weeks. I’ve always loved challenging myself, but I found it taxing, as did the others on the trip. Every day we rafted, braving the heat and rapids, and every evening we camped in the rocky wilderness at the bottom of the canyon, the rushing water roaring nearby.

One day when we made camp, I felt a sharp sting in my ankle and saw a tiny scorpion scuttling away. Our group’s medic took a look and told me what I already knew.

“Yup,” he said. “That’s a scorpion sting.”

“Is there anything you can do?” I asked, praying the answer was yes.

He shrugged. “All the way out here? I can give you some Tylenol.”

I took the Tylenol. It didn’t help.

That night I was racked by the fiercest pain I’d ever experienced. It radiated up my leg and settled in my hip. My body shook, sweat soaking my sleeping bag, tears streaming down my temples into my hair. At one point, my shivers and sobs disturbed my husband, who rolled over and said, “Can’t you keep it down? You’re gonna wake everyone up.”

Even with him lying beside me, I’d never felt so alone in my life. At that moment, I realized it was time for a divorce. Through the fierce teachings of the scorpion—which I later learned is a peaceful creature that only stings when it’s backed into a corner—I could no longer deny the truth. I had let this go on for too long. And yes, I let it go on.

That was the moment I began to take accountability for my choices. For my lack of integrity. I had placed myself in the role of martyr in so many ways and I had stayed there.

This awareness led me to a divorce that quite literally saved my life. Even as many of my other relationships also fell away, I stayed committed to myself and my truth. I was finished allowing others to make decisions for me. I was going to follow my own guidance, even if it meant losing everything.

When you learn to live with integrity you’ll find it natural to trust yourself, even if everyone around you says you’re making the wrong decisions. You’ll stop over-apologizing and gaslighting yourself. You’ll learn to heed the wisdom of your body, and make bold choices that feel right for you, and ultimately bring you to a greater connection with humanity and all of life.

At 30 years old, I lost my marriage, career, family support, home, and close friends—all in one fell swoop. Don’t get me wrong. Releasing all of that was the right choice . . . but sometimes, the right choice is the most difficult to make. My heart brimmed with a twinned sense of relief and grief at seeing it all fall away.

But it had to go. The path had to be cleared for something so much better to come in as I made choices aligned with my integrity.

Today, I’m married to a brilliant, resilient, and deeply compassionate man who stands with me through thick and thin. My support system is richly intimate and built on reciprocity and trust. My work as a coach allows me to share my life-long practice of deep listening and supporting others with my clients. It’s the greatest privilege of my life to witness their courage as they learn to see themselves, love themselves, and change their own lives for the better.

My journey to integrity was tumultuous. Yours may be as well—or it may be gentle and comforting. However your journey manifests, one thing is true for everyone: integrity will lead you to an experience of life that you find fulfilling, with deep relationships, meaningful work, a better understanding of your body, more access to abundance, and even spiritual joy.

Integrity is a compass pointing you to the only guide you need: you. You are all you’ve ever needed. Each chapter in this book includes a question or exercise. I invite you to take your time and engage with each one. Only you can turn this book from words on a page into a personal practice that invites joy back into your life.

Throughout the book, you’ll find stories about me and some of my clients (whose names have been changed), illustrating how we all lose our integrity in different ways—and how we can find it again. Let these stories reassure you that you’re not alone, and inspire you that anything is possible; but please don’t compare yourself to them. Your story is your own. There’s no hierarchy to suffering or healing. We all show great strength in the ways we transform our lives, even (and especially) in the quiet ways that no one else knows about but ourselves.